“I didn’t come out of the closet until my 3rd year of dental school at the Medical University of South Carolina. Being from the South, with immigrant parents, I learned to internalize homophobia and misogyny. When I got to college, I started to realize how my sexuality was affecting my life—there was a lack of authenticity while I was trying to figure out who I was. I wasn’t aware of how depressed I was until I finally started to accept myself. The more people I came out to, the better I felt… I was unhappy with who I was and it was hard not being able to tell the people I loved about the person I love.

My parents were the last people I came out to. I dealt with my depression using very self-destructive behavior and I ended up getting injured. I was living in Charleston, and my parents lived just across the bridge. I called my brother and told him that I was really hurt. I told him not to call my parents, but he did. My dad, an ENT surgeon, ended up stitching me together. They wanted to know why I tried to do something “so dumb.” That’s when just blurted out, “I’m gay.” They told me it wasn’t a problem—that they still loved me. Ultimately, they thought it was just a phase, but I was 25 and knew it wasn’t. If my brother hadn’t gotten my parents involved, I think I would’ve been stuck in those self-sabotaging ways. I don’t think it fully sunk in for them until I got engaged. Once Tess—my kid—came along, there was a total change. Before that, we didn’t talk much about my sexuality. Now, they’re proud of me… 

I got along just fine with most people in dental school, but you can always sense those with prejudice. Becoming my authentic self allowed me to level up and be kinder; I just didn’t have the time to let them try and drag me down… After dental school, I moved to New York City—a mecca for LGBTQ+ people—and did my residency there. After residency, I joined a non-profit organization called the Callen-Lorde Community Health Center— they’re the global leader for LGBTQ+ health and they treat everyone, regardless of their ability to pay.. We did everything from dentures to fillings, but we also offered an umbrella of other health services and a safe community. Some of our patients had health complications like being HIV positive and most had previously experienced a gamut of microaggressions and macroagressions while getting dental treatment. There should be a facility like Callen-Lorde in every major city because of representation and visibility matter.

“When Dr. Chris Bowers asked me to partner with him, one of my non-negotiable was to I philanthropic and social consciousness initiatives built into our business plan. I genuinely believe that if it weren’t for bringing Tess into the world, I’d hands-down still be in public health.  I wanted to make sure that moving into the private sector and encouraging my entrepreneurial spirit didn’t mean I also had to give up my philanthropic heart.  So what does this look like to me?  Our practice just opened but, when we get profitable, we’ll be donating 10% of our proceeds from all memberships to a rotating non-profit of our choice that tackles the same issues we feel passionate about. We support other small businesses by offering a discounted Mint Condition Membership plan so they can offer dental benefits to their staff affordably. We also have a treasure chest for the young at heart: gift certificates to other local small businesses.  We will have artist residencies and use our space as a commission-free art gallery/performance space for community artists, performers, musicians, comedians, etc. We offer smile sponsorships/scholarships so people or nonprofits can gift a makeover to someone in need. We will be doing these cases at cost. My big vision is to ultimately create a Dental Assistant training program for single parents allowing participants to get paid while learning the skills to become a DA. The trainees wouldn’t just learn how to be a typical dental assistant. Because we are fully digital, we will also teach exocad and smile design. Because we will be cross-training our staff, they will also learn concierge-level service, front desk, business management, insurance navigation, etc. This will allow our trainees to create an income stream that works for them and their families. While working in community health, a lot of the jobs I saw single parents working just don’t mesh well with trying to raise kids—the hours aren’t great and the work is often demanding and tiring with little left to give once they finally get back home. This program would give them a stable income, union jobs, access to healthcare, benefits, and so on… 

My advice for those who are LBTQ+ and are struggling is this: it gets better. The more authentic you are with who you are, who you want to be, and how you see yourself not caring about what others think, the better off you’ll be. Saying two words to my parents—“I’m gay”—was incredibly powerful. Also know that coming out isn’t a singular moment, it’s an ongoing experience. You’ll tell people you’re gay over and over again throughout your life; it just gets easier to do the more you do it. And, honestly, people just don’t care as much as you think that they care. It doesn’t change who you are; it just changes how fulfilled you can be when creating your own path. I’m so proud to be gay and to have my wife and my daughter. If we define happiness as that feeling we have as we approach our full potential, then I’m really happy.”